...she became a butterfly!

Photography by Clau

"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly. "

Richard Buckminster Fuller

About 6 or 7 years ago i fell into a very deep drepession. I learned many things through out this phase and its only now that i am even able to think about it and remember how it felt. Although it has somewhat become a distant memory, i did learn very important lessons. I also became very fond of butterflies. I picked up a book one time and i learned about the tedious and delicate process the caterpillar goes through.  I was fascinated with the way they come to life. Until yesterday, i had only read about caterpillars and butterflies, but yesterday i got to see my first caterpillar. I stared at it and didn't hesitate to take a picture, which i will treasure. The process of how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly kept me on my feet during the saddest moments. I knew in my heart that i would get through it and that i would become a beautiful, colorful butterfly.  Since then my fascination with them. Here is one of my favorite readings about butterflies:

A story is told of a caterpillar named Yellow who was trying to find out what she should be doing with her life. In her wanderings she discovered another caterpillar seemingly caught in some gauzy, hairy filament. Concerned, she asked if she could help. He explained that this was all part of the process of becoming a butterfly.
When she heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt. “But what is a butterfly?”
The cocooned caterpillar explained: “It’s what you are meant to become.”
Yellow was intrigued but a bit defiant. “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me when all I see is a fuzzy worm?”
On further reflection she pensively asked, “How does one become a butterfly?”
And the answer? “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”(From Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers [New York: Paulist Press, 1972], pp. 67-­75.)

I love this passage because it describes accurately the way i felt.  I felt all fuzzy and dark and had absolutely no idea how i was going to come out of my bubble.  I doubted myself many times and became color blind to the beauty of life. I held on to this story and it allowed me to hope. 

When i saw the caterpillar yesterday, i got goosebumps.  But it was a GREAT feeling. The caterpillar was just holding on and by simply looking at it you couldn't tell what it could become. It is even unknown what color it would evolve to be. I knew right there and then that everything i have been through has all been worth it. I felt a special kind of peace i had never felt before. I had joy inside and i had evolved into a beautiful butterfly. Although the life of the butterflies is very short, i always like to think that i am constantly evolving into a different butterfly each time...of different size and color.

“I embrace emerging experience. I participate in discovery. I am a butterfly.I am not a butterfly collector. I want the experience of the butterfly.” ~ William Stafford

Yes...the proces is tedious but there is also no other way to come to have a beautiful and bountiful life. We live and learn. We evolve and if there were no changes in our lives, we would live very boring and sad lives. Everything would always be the same...and definetely, there would be no butterflies.

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.............and as i promised, here are some pictures of the pumpkins we carved!

It was sooo much fun! Happy Halloween!