Emotions...

...so many, so frequent, so LOUD!!!

Yes, it is said:

 "Your emotions are friends who bring news that you need to know." G.Z.

Sometimes it does not matter how much news they are carrying, they just feel overwhelming. What to do with them? Somebody should just develop a manual that teaches us how to react to each and one of the emotions that sneak up on us.

This week i have been overly emotional for EVERY reason! Could be the "timing" but i feel so vulnerable. I try to keep to myself when i am having an OFF day, but today i made the mistake (impulsively) of expressing somewhat of what i felt at the moment and this was the response: "if you have issues, they are yours and You have to deal with them...NOT me!" WOW!!! that felt like a bucket of cold water on a cold winter day.  YES, tears came down my eyes and i realized that even though words sometimes hurt the person receiving them, it doesn't take away the fact that some words hold "truths" we sometimes fail to see and accept.

The thing with emotions is that when they come, they may without a doubt, push us into a "reaction"  and that reaction can in turn have consequences. However, we can decide to give "motion" to our emotions... it is up to us to choose which way to react to them or to even react at all. Yes, at times these emotions seem uncontrollable but they CAN be controlled if we just step back for a minute, take a breather, and give ourselves a BIG BEAR HUG!!!

It might sound easy and it does feel easy as i write it but to have this control over our emotions takes practice. I thought i was doing pretty good at it until today.  I lost perspective and failed to focus of the big picture. My emotions triggered an action on my part and that was the response i got. Sometimes we get more "creative" and "compassionate" responses to our actions...but this time, i got the pure truth. It hurt so much but after i was done being hurt, i accepted the fact that "I have to deal with my issues and not dump them on anyone else and stop blaming someone else for them."

This realization is priceless and i don't regret being in tune with my emotions either. The more i accept myself and embrace my emotions, the more i can deal with them and just let them be!

♥

ps...words do hold power and they do hurt as hell! If placed on the other side of this scenario, I would still go for the truth uttered more creatively and with compassion. ;)

About 2 month ago...

...my partner had gotten his own place and I had been coming back and forth from his place to mine. He is absolutely NOT fond of clutter. He comes from a home where they would keep everything even if it was just to have it for a "just in case" ocassion. So, we painted, decorated, picked earthly and peaceful colors. He wants the apartment to have SPACE. I have never thought of this notion of SPACE. My place is more like a studio only with a separate bathroom. Although it is small, i have managed to cramp everything in there so that it feels like home to me. Go figure!!! I have 1 closet for my regular clothes and another one for miscellaneous stuff. Till this day, all of this "filled" space did make sense to me.

One day i come into my room and i felt like the walls were closing in on me. I never realized how much "open space" could change the way i feel and how it makes a difference in my thoughts. Until then, i had lived in my place and never thought of how much clutter i had and of how many things i kept...things i haven't had a need for in a long time - not to mention the ones i had forgotten were even there.

Needless to say, i became anxious and started taking out "never worn" clothes and shoes out of my closet. I knew that i needed to this. That day i took out about two boxes of mixed "unused" stuff.

A few days later, i was browsing through the web blogs and i saw the badge for THE SHED PROJECT by Bindu Wiles. The words that struck me were: "an adventure in LETTING GO!" - I have been struggling with this a while now. Letting go for me has been the strongest battle i have had to fight until now. Especially letting go of my limiting thoughts and ideas...letting go of my fear for the unknown, letting go of the fear of things not turning out the way i want them to turn out.  It took me a while to actually see that all these ideas only exist in my head.  I am the one that has been giving them...and can only give power to them.

So now i have more of a clear view of what i have to do for the next 2 months or even more if needed.

I have made a plan of action ;)

Things, people, emotions, thoughts i want to get rid of:

* Come in terms with my negative thoughts, see them for what they are and let them go...

* Let go of memories that no longer are of any positive use to me...LET GO of them...

* Face my fears and understand them, but LET GO! of them...

* 1 Closet: get rid of clothes, shoes, purses, belts that now longer are of any use to me.

* 2nd Closet: find out what is actually in it and empty it to make space/room for don't know what yet. ;)

* Empty drawers and throw out the junk that is in them...

* Get rid of old correspondence, receipts and old photographs...

* My books: wow...this is a hard one!!! ;(

* BOOKS: maybe give some away (some people come to mind)

* BOOKS: maybe get a Kindle and look for the ones that are really meaningful to me and that are worth reading over.
* People: I have been shedding people ;) this year. The hardest part is that i have let go (or maybe they left on their own) of my dearest two friends (bff dearest). Ever since i have concentrated on my own spiritual growth, we stopped clicking. In their eyes i changed and in their eyes i became a bad friend. I still feel a bit bad even after explaining myself for doing what makes me happy ;-/ - so, i have to LET GO of this feeling and continue to follow my dreams and passion. 

ufffffffff i feel lighter just by the thought of getting all this done.!!

Thank you Bindu Wiles for a great project and I commend myself for a rewarding journey i have decided to take.

I look forward to writing about my journey...

;)

Back to blogging...

...without further ado, i am back to blogging!
I have conciously left my old blog behind to start this one...a brand new beginning holding on to a new perspective. I started a personal blog back years ago and i feel it is time to leave it behind. It is the perfect time for a new beginning with new opportunities, but i am not sure what they will be yet. I can't surely describe the sensation i have but so far it sure feels like a promising new start.

I start a blank slate...spiritually, mentally, physically and intellectually.

I am traveling inward...