Be the change…

…you want to see in the world" Ghandi

Yes… people do pick up on our vibes.

Every time I meet someone I can sense their vibe. Sometimes it feels HEAVY, sometimes light and sometimes very refreshing. I don't know why but I do feel their energy.

This is why I remembered Gandhi's quote.

Think about it!!!

How is your energy today?

If you feel it…express it!

…never be afraid to express your gratitude and especially say the most important three letter words:

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

I AM SORRY!!!!

Day Off

After a few weeks of work work work and think think think, I had a day off today. I really needed it.

I made it a point to step out of my routine. I don't like routine very much but I have learned to adapt to it and it doesn't bother me as it used to.

I enjoyed my day today very much. We went shopping a little for a few things that we needed and later we had a delish lunch.

The highlight of my day is NOW. I am sitting on a bench at a park. I see trees, people jogging and families enjoying their quality time as the kids enjoy the slides. The weather is just perfect.

I realize I need to do this more often to disconnect and refresh my mind and thoughts. I even played a little baseball ;) to stretch and get my adrenaline going. I loved it. I needed the fresh air and the change of scenery. I have been spending so much time at school and at work.

So as I write my post from my phone I want to just say:
Make time for play, for fresh air and for the occasional unannounced smile or chuckle you get when you intend to play a sport that reminds you of your childhood days. I felt like a kid again. Priceless!!

So long…off to keep enjoying the cool breeze!


Sweet dreams…

Making a difference...

...every person we come in contact with shapes our life in many different ways. We either learn or grow from these encounters. The question is: do we see this? Or are we too wrapped up in ourselves that we only focus on what "they should be or do..." instead of OUR part to play in this moment in time.? It seems at times that our minds are trapped in our own world filled with "rights" and "wrongs" - the question is: do we really have to label everything???

Realizing that we also have the same influence on the people we meet (especially on our loved ones) is something amazingly precious. We can choose to either help others grow positively or we can become a negative experience for them. It works both ways but we only see our part...how it affects us! It is not totally wrong to be "selfish" and look out for our own well being but it doesn't give us the right to become "judges" of others or to even try to make people be or do what in our eyes we think "should" be right.

Every person exists for a reason and has a role to play in this universe. Our differences are what make this world a unique place to live in...can;t fully imagine what it would be like if this world would be composed of the same "type" of people...with the same desires, characteristics, personalities, likes and dislikes...and the list goes on! Can you imagine everyone being the way you want them to be all the time...24 hours/7 days a week??? YES!!! Pretty Boring!!!

This is why the best way to break this pattern of "he/she should be or do..." is by completely experiencing our relationship with others...with our boss (yes, bosses included), our family, friends, or even with the person we see everyday at our building and we don't don't her name or never say "hello" to. When this is done, we are able to let go of past judgements and enjoy each interaction in/ its entirety - not trying to make the person to our specific liking. These are just simple things that make a whole lot of a difference in the way we approach the world and the people we meet.

Considering that all this is easier said than done, it takes practice. When we make it a point to do one "different" thing everyday...this new view and behavior will start flowing. The reason why we still have this view is because we have been performing on "automatic" - we have been accostumed to think and act in certain ways that in reality haven't taken us anywhere.

On this note, i will leave you this quote that says it all in a nutshell:

"If you can, stop fussing. Stop trying to make things better. Just listen with a sympathetic loving presence. Be willing to be there without outflows, accepting conditions as they are, and you may transform the conditions… and then something may happen. It’s not about doing something. Just listen – really listen." By Norman Fish

Breathe and Trust...

There has been this situation that has had me feeling kind of puzzled and bit woozy. I mean woozy in the sense that  I feel like I am in a roller coaster ride of some sort...going up and down all the time. I haven't found a way how to resolve it. The reason i feel like this is because i feel i have no control over it...or maybe i do but i don't feel ready to take the next step.

I know myself and i struggle with letting go. I like to control everything and have some sort of assurance of things all the time. So, that is why in this case i am in "some" way letting go and letting time do its thing. It is difficult though because my ego does not like this. I am trying to stop my impulses from getting the best of me. Many times in the past i have reacted impulsively and it has not brought me good memories.

Although i hardly talk about this struggle, it helps to write or to talk to someone about it. It is a blessing that i was able to talk to my best friend today about this. When i mean my best friend i mean my mom! Being that i am a very private person i don't talk much to anyone about my personal life and i am very comfortable with that. I do open up to my mom from time to time and at times we don't agree but on the most part, she always ends up saying something that kind of puts my anxiety and restlessness at ease.

Where am i going with this post? Well...i thought it would be of importance (and as reminder to myself) to point out that there will be situations that life will throw at our feet and these will make us very uncomfortable. They may also seem endless and as if there was no way out. I myself don't have all the answers either. I don't know the "how" nor the "when."

One thing is for sure...I have not gone through any of my difficult phases in my life in vain. I have always learned something...i have come out stronger, wiser and with an impressive humility. I have also learned that there is always someone there to see you throught it...and sometimes that person is the one you least expected to be by your side. No matter how dark it has gotten, the sun has always shined through...eventually.

When any of these uncomfortable situations arise, it is best to STOP in our tracks and not "react" impulsively to them. There are lessons we need to learn and no one ever said it would be easy...whoever did, lied. Everything in life is a process. We live to learn very important lessons and until we truly learn them and only then, we are able to move forward...guess where?...YES! to our next lesson. It seems never ending but there is always a way and that way is through. 

 Such is life...unpredictabe and surprising. I don't understand it sometimes and i realize i really don't need to make such effort. It is what it is! I need to trust that i am at the right place at the moment. If i am not, such changes will come at the right time. This is called letting go of trying to control everything. Letting God and Life do their thing.

So... for now i will breathe and trust.

Take your time...

The first thing that comes to mind is: WHAT A DAY!!!

Have you ever had one of these? Have you ever wondered how your day turned out to be so overwhelming?

I have!!!

Today was one of those days. I want to just call it a night and that is exactly what i will do because my body is begging for this. Don't know if its because its Monday (poor Monday) or what. Maybe i just have to blame it on something sometimes.

I have to admit though, i feel like this because my mind hit the point of mental overload. It just felt like the longest day at work and then i had to go to school and sit through a lecture that to me had no relevance. Don't get me wrong, i love the career i have chosen but sometimes i need to step back and take the time to process all the information that is coming into my hard drive.

My days are never going to be the same everyday. I will have good relaxed days as well as hectic ones and i have to accept this. I also have to remember to take my time and take things easy...to tackle one task at a time.  I haven't been able to "just be" and that is why i feel this way today. I haven't tuned into my inner voice. I have been ignoring it. I have been hard on myself.

One good thing is that my body speaks to me. It tells me i need to process things slowly. It tells me i need to love myself a bit more in order to be at peace. If i get in tune with my inner self, i will feel much better.

For tonight, i will give myself a HUGE BEAR HUG! I deserve it!!

I will make it a point to pick at least 15 minutes of day to be silent...to just be...to just breathe.

Going with the flow...

I planned last night to wake up late today...but my plan did not work! Due to the Daylight Savings Time change, i woke up earlier than i expected. My eyes opened at 7am! *YAWN* ;/ I tried to be very quiet to not wake up my boyfriend.

I decided to start editing pictures and i loved my quiet time doing what i love to do. I looked out my window and the day was beautiful...very sunny and 60 degrees weather. I love the chilly days!

My boyfriend finally woke up and had the brilliant idea of walking to our nearest cafeteria to have breakfast. It was delicious! Yummi! We walked back home to clean a bit because we had some friends coming over later.

It was a very unpredictable sunday morning and that made me smile. Often, i plan my weekends but lately i have made the point of not doing so unless its something that needs scheduling. I am trying to go with the flow and be spontaneous for a change. I have noticed to that sometimes i have planned my days and my plans ended up being chattered for some reason or another.

The most beautiful things and hapennings come unexpected and its up to us to embrace change or to reject it. Sometimes God and the Universe have other plans and who am i to question them? When things and happenings come naturally, i experience a very different bliss.

I love taking walks, going to the park to play or just to sit on a bench to watch people walk their dogs or play with their children. I love seeing life at its best!!!

I am writing this post as a reminder, so i can make it a point to:

* Do something different everyday
* Do something I really love to do everyday
* Let my days evolve as naturally as possible and embrace the unexpected
* Be spontaneous and let go of wanting to control every thing

There is a special freedom that comes with letting life do its thing. In doing this, we are trusting God, the Universe and Life itself to JUST BE!!! By trying to control everything we block opportunities to come our way.

I feel very blessed! ;)

Sweet dreams...

Embrace your PASSION...

I went to a college football game today with a couple of friends and my brother. I had an awesome time...the weather was just right for this occassion.

Although i don't completely understand the many rules of football, i love to see the genuine smiles of people everytime i go to one of these events. The stadium is filled with an admirable crowd. I love to sense the great amount of passion and spirit each fan transmits.

In every game, you can notice how everyone is wearing their favorite game gear and i love to see this. I also enjoy buying my favorite teams' gear as well. Everyone wears their gear proudly and this captivates my attention. A lot of people attend these games and age does not matter. They show up and cheer...they show their true passion for their favorite sport and team. They are fully present in each game. Not knowing if their team will win or loose, they show up and cheer...without hesitation and with no guarantees.  

I think that is the mere reason why i have become fond of sports. I am a sucker for PASSION. I believe that when you have passion for something, all is just right. When i do what i love and commit my full presence to it, everything feels just right. I feel this way when i write or when i take pictures. I become one with my camera and my passion takes over. I become fully present and enjoy every second of it. I feel very much alive.

 I like to think that in the same way I proudly wear my favorite game gear, I have the same capability of  "proudly" transmitting my passion for life. I can choose to wear positive gear everyday. When i lack passion for life, there is no motivation to do anything.

Passion is what propels our dreams...it triggers us to act in order to achieve them. When we have passion for life, we love our life fully and have no problem engaging in it everyday with a positive spirit.

Find your passion and embrace it...flow naturally with it. 

Remember to wear your positive gear everyday and do it proudly with a smile ;)

Here is a picture of us today:

My brother in the middle and my sweetheart wearing his game gear!

;)

The power of WORDS...

Unfortunately, there are some hurtful words that are uttered very easily. At times, we might be having what we call the "perfect" day and there comes someone who says something that turns our whole day around. UGGGHHHHH!!!

Yes, IT HAPPENS!!!

We underestimate the power of our words. They could easily make someone's day or "ruin" it (per say). I can't seem to quite comprehend why is it so difficult to utter words like: Thank you! I Care! I love you! WHY WHY WHY???? It frustrates me and i have to admit, it gets me livid and sad at the same time. I have to make it a "project" to stop letting certain attitudes get me down. I can't allow them to change my smile into a frown or into a tear. NO MORE!!!

This is a phenomenon to me because i am soooo expressive and sometimes a bit too much. It is not hard for me to express my gratitude or my love. I believe LOVE is the most wonderful feeling and when expressed, it can heal the most profound wounds. Love lights up our lives if we let it in. 

I found this sign and i thought it would be neat to share it because at times i wish i could carry this sign around. "BE NICE OR LEAVE." Unfortunately, i can't ;) but i can carry a SMILE around and do my best to keep it there. Not all the days are ever the same but I can try to master this and become less affected by other people's attitudes or bitterness. This is so important!!!

Anywho...i vented! ;) We are all works in progess...and this is promising!

Taking interest in the simplest things...

I have to admit, I do not possess a curious mind for matters of Science, Math or any other “practical” knowledge.  I take a lot of interest in the emotional side of the human brain.  This explains my interest in the spiritual aspects of life and in Psychology, which is the career I am pursuing. Although I consider myself very intelligent and knowledgeable, recently I have concluded that it would make a significant difference in my life if I take even a small interest in the things that I usually don’t pay attention to. I have always considered myself to be a “why” person but not so much for the “technicalities.” My mind seems to focus and it’s curious only about certain things.  I don’t know why, because I don’t recall making a special effort to do this, to think, or to be this way.  My mind is just like that and I have no explanation for it nor will I try to find one.  Nonetheless, I have decided to actually start training my mind to take interest in other “realities” of life.  I take a lot of things just for what they are, including their functions. At times, I don’t even know the mechanism of things…all I know is that they serve me and that constitutes their purpose. There is a lot going on behind the scenes that I don’t know about. But, the reality is that everything in this world (be it spiritual or not) has a process. Everything is linked and we could learn a whole lot from this.

In my new job, I have about eight co-workers from different countries. They are very pleasant and so far, it has been a pleasure to find out a bit more about themselves as the days pass. But, one of them has caught my attention because he seems to be a “walking encyclopedia.” His name is George. He is very knowledgeable, hence the name I chose for him.  Every time he approaches me or I ask him a question, he has this vast explanation of WHY things are how he describes them. He is also very good in thoroughly explaining the process of how things come to be. In talking to him this morning, it dawned on me that although many things and happenings in life don’t have an apparent explanation at times, there are others that do…and in understanding this, opens the way for us to adapt and see life from many different lenses. George reminds me of my boyfriend, he is also very knowledgeable and likes to know how things work and likes explaining them. If he does not know something right off hand, he goes in search of an answer until he has one.

I am starting to realize that in order to have the proper positive perspective about life… I have to have at least some sort of idea of HOW things come to be.  How is the coffee we drink in the morning made?  How are we able to breathe fresh air? I can go on and on with questions about things we don’t even wonder about because we have grown accustomed to “not knowing.” No matter how simple or complex these questions get, we will surely learn something if we take the time to just “KNOW.” We know things exist…we know we exist…but, we don’t care about the HOW at times.

Everything in this life goes through a process! Taking interest is these processes can help us take things less for granted.  It will definitely help us view life from a different perspective.  We would be more appreciative of things and most importantly of the people we meet every day.  We don’t have to become Einstein or know every single thing. Some we believe by faith.. But, having broad knowledge helps widen our minds, allowing us to think of many other interesting things instead of focusing always on worry and negativity. Not everything in this world is about us, our worries and problems. We are not the only ones in the universe…we are not the only ones ALIVE…

Heart: Friend or Foe?

Heart: Friend or Foe?

...for obvious reasons we were all given a beating heart. There has been many ocassions in my life in which i feel the most vulnerable. I feel as if i am holding right in my hand (figuratively), my own beating heart guarding it from any harm or anything that would affect its life. There are days in which i walk and carry on around the world with a litte bit more confidence knowing that my heart is safe. This is where my questions comes about: Heart: Friend or Foe? Was our heart given to us to guide us or for us to guide it? I have heard so many times that following our hearts is dangerous because in doing so we become vulnerable to hurt, tears and dissilusion. On the other hand, we can't really stop our heart from feeling. If we don't feel, we are numb and if we are numb, then we are not actually really LIVING. Apart from it all, i don't believe there is someone possibly outhere that does NOT feel anything ever.



My point about the whole heart imagery is that no matter how many times our hearts have been hurt or damaged, the heart given to us is indeed our friend. If we really listen to and follow our hearts, we become more aware of our passions and through action, we are able to see our dreams become a reality. Our mind could be trained to be in sync with our hearts. If we educate our mind, our thoughts will not stand in front of our dreams. We will say no to fear.





I was thinking about this challenge of writing a post everyday and i realized that the first posts are going to be so random and so mixed. I find myself with a lot of things to write about. There have been days in which I feel totally drained and don't want to touch my laptop. But, once I get to it, I realize I do have things to share. The first step is the hardest!!!

Our heart lets us know what is affecting us. Pay close attention to what is really stressing you out. I am now realizing the extent of stress my prior job was causing me. When I say my "job" I mean the surroundings and the attitude of certain people. It was creating a negative vibe around me and fighting it was making me weak. God and the universe know exactly what they are doing. As my dear friend would say: " they are not stupid."

So the next time our heart points out the root of our discomfort and negativity… by all means pay attention. Although sometimes we can't believe what it tells us , trust in God and know that change could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

;)



Remember… your heart is precious! Treat it with love, warmth and respect.

Out with the old…

…in with the new!
It was a successful new day and my first day at my new job.
I went out for lunch to a new sub place and ate a new sub and had some fries I had never tasted before. YES…the word of the day is NEW!

I never thought I would feel so relieved by leaving people and places behind. I feel like NOT looking back!

I learned today that it's better to be remembered positively! If you walk around with grudges and discontentment you will transmit a bad vibe. I want to be remembered in a good, fun, lively way.

If you do not like your job… it's better to start looking for alternatives.

Either you move and embrace change or you will become a walking black cloud and be grouchy all the time.

How do you want to be remembered ?

Time to be still...

It feels like i have had the longest day!

I start my new job tomorrow and i have to wake up super, super early. I did a lot today...and it seems that i have reached the point where i have to do a RESET to my mind.

Sometimes i take on many tasks at once and then end up mentally and physically exausted. I had to check out today and turn in my keys and id at my job.  It was today that i said good bye to ten years of working at the same place. I won't lie, i wanted and needed to get out of there desperately. I had started to feel negatively impacted by the people and their draining attitudes. But, today was the day i said good bye without looking back.

I also had to register for my next semester at school (Spring 2011). I only have two semesters left and i decided to  push myself and take on five classes together. Don't know how i will do it, but will give it my all. I really want to finish what i started. But, i have to admit that it sometimes gets so overwhelming that i don't know how i do it.

I admit that i have to give myself a break and a breather sometimes. I hate to feel overwhelmed and worried. My mind sometimes gets the best of me and tangles itself in many tasks, thoughts and it makes it all blurry.

I have to remember to work at one task at a time. It is not wise to try to do a million things at once because at the end, nothing comes out right. Worrying will not solve anything or get you to where you want to go sooner.  There are things we can control and others that are completely out of our reach. 

When there is a lot to accomplish, focus on the task at hand and don't worry about what is out of your control . I have to remember this everyday...

For now, i just need to close my eyes and rest! I have another long day ahead tomorrow!

Cheers for new beginnings... ;)

Sweet dreams...

...she became a butterfly!

Photography by Clau

"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly. "

Richard Buckminster Fuller

About 6 or 7 years ago i fell into a very deep drepession. I learned many things through out this phase and its only now that i am even able to think about it and remember how it felt. Although it has somewhat become a distant memory, i did learn very important lessons. I also became very fond of butterflies. I picked up a book one time and i learned about the tedious and delicate process the caterpillar goes through.  I was fascinated with the way they come to life. Until yesterday, i had only read about caterpillars and butterflies, but yesterday i got to see my first caterpillar. I stared at it and didn't hesitate to take a picture, which i will treasure. The process of how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly kept me on my feet during the saddest moments. I knew in my heart that i would get through it and that i would become a beautiful, colorful butterfly.  Since then my fascination with them. Here is one of my favorite readings about butterflies:

A story is told of a caterpillar named Yellow who was trying to find out what she should be doing with her life. In her wanderings she discovered another caterpillar seemingly caught in some gauzy, hairy filament. Concerned, she asked if she could help. He explained that this was all part of the process of becoming a butterfly.
When she heard the word butterfly, her whole insides leapt. “But what is a butterfly?”
The cocooned caterpillar explained: “It’s what you are meant to become.”
Yellow was intrigued but a bit defiant. “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me when all I see is a fuzzy worm?”
On further reflection she pensively asked, “How does one become a butterfly?”
And the answer? “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”(From Trina Paulus, Hope for the Flowers [New York: Paulist Press, 1972], pp. 67-­75.)

I love this passage because it describes accurately the way i felt.  I felt all fuzzy and dark and had absolutely no idea how i was going to come out of my bubble.  I doubted myself many times and became color blind to the beauty of life. I held on to this story and it allowed me to hope. 

When i saw the caterpillar yesterday, i got goosebumps.  But it was a GREAT feeling. The caterpillar was just holding on and by simply looking at it you couldn't tell what it could become. It is even unknown what color it would evolve to be. I knew right there and then that everything i have been through has all been worth it. I felt a special kind of peace i had never felt before. I had joy inside and i had evolved into a beautiful butterfly. Although the life of the butterflies is very short, i always like to think that i am constantly evolving into a different butterfly each time...of different size and color.

“I embrace emerging experience. I participate in discovery. I am a butterfly.I am not a butterfly collector. I want the experience of the butterfly.” ~ William Stafford

Yes...the proces is tedious but there is also no other way to come to have a beautiful and bountiful life. We live and learn. We evolve and if there were no changes in our lives, we would live very boring and sad lives. Everything would always be the same...and definetely, there would be no butterflies.

*********************************************************************************

.............and as i promised, here are some pictures of the pumpkins we carved!

It was sooo much fun! Happy Halloween!

It is never too late...

Wow...what a day!!!

My day started at 6:00am today but amazingly so, it did not matter much to wake up that early to do what i love to do the most: Photography.  I had scheduled a photoshoot for a friend of mine...to take pictures of her daughter - 1yr old pictures. The day was beautiful and i could not ask for a better model, although she did feel a little fuzzy due to her recent cold. When i hold my camera it seems like somehow it becomes part of me. I get dazzled into a world where no worries exist. Following my passion, fulfills me in so many levels. I become one with each click...

Today i have taken over 300 pictures. I can't wait to upload them, edit and share. Its been a while since i remember having a day soooo full of events. I enjoyed every minute of it. We also went to a place called THE LITTLE FARM where they have a petting zoo, a buttlerfly garden, a play area and of course my favorite, the pumpkin patch. After that we bought a total of 6 pumpkins and guess what...? We carved them all...(pics to come later).

...and YES, i just made it home just in time to post today's sum of events. When i looked at my watch i remember my challenge and was eager to come and share how much fun i had today. I am even going to heat up some water and have some tea so i can calm down from such excitement. Its an excitement that makes me extremely joyous!!!

I am amazed at how many things i have come to enjoy fully...even more now than when i was a teenager, an adolescent or even when i was in my early twenties. I feel alive and that is a GREAT and AMAZING feeling. I enjoyed every second of my day today and i am grateful for this.

It is never too late to start enjoying the simple, yet significant moments in life...It is never to late to start having fun and actually start LIVING!

I made beautiful memories today!

Today was a somewhat weird day in more good ways than bad. It was my last day at my job. I had to move a lot of stuff from my desk into boxes. I was approached by many people in the halls to say HI and BYE. Some people i would see in the hallways and until this day they never spoke a word to me. The funny thing i realized today is that eventhough i thought i wasn't being noticed, i indeed was! Some even offered their help in the future if needed.

I also got the ocassional "smile but not a word kind of person," which to me had been the most common approach. I have never been a people person and at my workplace i have preferred to stay to myself. I only made a few friends and i focused more on quality than in quantity. Some of my friends treated me to lunch and i have to admit, it felt good. I have been also noticing that "I" tend to cater to people most of the time and people have noticed this.  Being on the other end, did feel quite special and different.

I had been in my job position for 10 years now but i have to admit that some things and places do get really old. I felt this way today! After so many years, i was due for a big change. I have been having the hunch that a change was near but was not certain what kind of change it was going to be. For some reason of another i did not fit anymore. I felt that in some way i had stopped mentally growing. It was starting to get harder and harder to get up in the morning to go to work. 

WOW... there is so much i have been processing in the past weeks. I realize that this challenge i have placed upon myself is going to be very interesting. I have so much clutter in my mind its hard to categorize my thoughts. My posts might end up being somewhat mixed.

But the important thing to remember is that in sharing my experiences, i am not only helping myself but others. Today i have learned so much and i am still processing a lot. This is what change does to you...it puts everything you have done, and the places you have been - in perspective.

So, the first thing to remember always is that although we think we are not being noticed, we ARE!!! People do notice us and we have the power to influence people positively or negatively - be it directly or indirectly. Your co-workers, your family members, your friends will always remember you for how you made them feel...how your positive energy changed their day around.

On a second note, be concious that when it is time to move on to better grounds, we should not allow FEAR to paralyze us.  If the opportunity to move on presents itself, take it and embrace it with open arms. If we don't take the first step, the Universe has its way of making it happen.  Change becomes what we make of it...positive or negative. Believe it or not, we do have a choice!

And last but not least, try getting spoiled and pampered once in a while. If its not by someone else, pamper yourself. I made dinner for myself today and it tasted delicious! It felt good not having to cook for someone else but myself for a change. ;)

...and now i am off to enjoy one glass of my favorite wine before going to bed.

Tomorrow i have a Photoshoot scheduled...it sure feels great to follow my passion and live my dream.!!

Sweet dreams...

ps...more on my photography experience on posts to come! ;)

Heart: Friend or Foe?

...for obvious reasons we were all given a beating heart. There has been many ocassions in my life in which i feel the most vulnerable. I feel as if i am holding right in my hand (figuritevely) my own beating heart guarding it from any harm or anything that would affect its life. There are days in which i walk and carry on around the world with a litte bit more confidence knowing that my heart is safe. This is where my questions comes about: Heart: Friend or Foe? Was our heart given to us to guide us or for us to guide it? I have heard so many times that following our hearts is dangerous because in doing so we become vulnerable to hurt, tears and dissilusion. On the other hand, we can't really stop our heart from feeling. If we don't feel, we are numb and if we are numb, then we are not actually really LIVING. Apart from it all, i don't believe there is someone possibly outhere that does NOT feel anything ever.



My point about the whole heart imagery is that no matter how many times our hearts have been hurt or damaged, the heart given to us is indeed our friend. If we really listen to and follow our hearts, we become more aware of our passions and through action, we are able to see our dreams become a reality. Our mind could be trained to be in sync with our hearts. If we educate our mind, our thoughts will not stand in front of our dreams. We will say no to fear.





I was thinking about this challenge of writing a post everyday and i realized that the first posts are going to be so random and so mixed. I find myself with a lot of things to write about. There have been days in which I feel totally drained and don't want to touch my laptop. But, once I get to it, I realize I do have things to share. The first step is the hardest!!!

Our hearts let's us know what is affecting us. Pay close attention to what is really stressing you out. I am now realizing the extent of stress my prior job was causing me. When I say my "job" I mean the surroundings and the attitude of certain people. It was creating a negative vibe around me and fighting it was making me weak. God and the universe know exactly what they are doing. As my dear friend would say: " they are not stupid."

So the next time our heart points out the root of our discomfort and negativity… by all means pay attention. Although sometimes we can't believe what it tells us , trust in God and know that change could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

;)

I challenge MYSELF...

 photo by Bliss Boutique Photography

I have to remind myself daily that it takes baby steps to reach my mountain. Don't know how to describe it but it feels time is just flying by these days. I have a feeling there are a lot of changes coming my way and the only way possible for me to digest them is taking baby steps. I tend to be hard on myself during changing times.

I have decided to REALLY pay attention to what is going on inside of me. For sometime now, i have been feeling more aware of my emotions and feelings but ocassionally i still "react" to situations and to others in a way i don't particularly like or its best for me.

During the past month or so i would say (approximately), I stumbled upon a blog that has inspired me daily to become open to life's uncertainties and to finding life's beauty in even the simplest things and moments. The blog belongs to Katherine Jenkins and its called "Lessons from the Monk i Married." I have to admit, the title did it! ;) It captured my attention because i have always been intrigued by the life of monks or any other spiritual master. I have never met one in person but i admire and like to read about their spiritual journey. I have been delighted to read Katherine's "lessons to remember" daily. She has been posting a lesson daily since the year started and has not missed a day...very ADMIRABLE!!! Her lessons come from the heart and as she says, she is still trying to master these lessons herself.

There are times that it's hard for me to come here and post eventhough i may have tons to say or to share. But when i do get myself to my laptop, i experience something too hard for words to describe. I tend to bottle things up and writing provides me with the serenity i need. Sharing my thoughts helps me to Let Go! of unnecessary emotional baggage.

 Having said that, I have decided to take Katherine's challenge  and start from today to JUST WRITE a post everyday on this blog. I created this blog with the intention of being able to help others and share what i learn throughout my spiritual journey. I believe every person has their own journey but not everyone is fully aware of what goes on inside ourselves on a daily basis. I will use this challenge to positively evolve emotionally, to learn, to give THANKS and to adopt an attitude of gratefulness.

I don't know the "HOW" i will complete this challenge but i started today and will do it for 1 year!!!

Thank you Katherine for all you have shared and continue to share with your readers. The kind of help you have given me is priceless.

...and so i start my challenge!!!

In the midst of CHANGE...

 ...don't know what it is but everytime i go through certain change, be it external or internal, i tend to crawl up in my cave and don't come up for days and sometimes even weeks. I love writing...and although this is so, i run away from it when i am going through something.

There have been a few things going on lately.  Where do i start? Well, they have been hanging out "lay-off" letters at my job recently for the past two weeks. The feeling of uncertainty was eating people up and it showed in their attitudes and demeanor. The "not-knowing" factor really got the best of people and it sure put a lot of things in perspective.

How do you go from "having" something to "not having" it?

Well, at one point i started hoping for the best but i did not have a clue whether i was going to get a letter or not. One day i was coming back to the office from lunch and was immediately called into my supervisor's office. If i can recall, my heart sunk.! I remember thinking of the worst scenario...literally i pictured myself unemployed. I lost control of my positive thoughts and was sumerged in what i call "negativity at its best."

However, God and the universe had other plans for me! It just so happened that i was handed a "transfer" letter instead.  I am being transfered to another department with the same title and with the same pay.  For some reason, it was a shock for me.  Instead of being extremely grateful, i felt nostalgic.  I dealt with this feeling for a week or so (it felt long). I just didn't know what to make of it. I felt horribly for my other co-workers that indeed got what they mostly feared. How to feel happy for not being in their group? I was experiencing mixed emotions.

It is now that i am writing this post and after a virtual "wake-up" slap from a friend of mine, is that i realize how blessed i am. I had lost my positive perspective...i had forgotten how God works in misterious ways. I had been craving a change for sooooo long and that it almost seemed surreal.  I have always struggled with the concept of "timing." I had the erroneous idea that nothing good happened to me...but it always been the other way around.  The things i have gone through in life, have been the things i needed to go through ...in order for me to be able to write about them and give testimony.  Everything has been GREAT, i just decided to no see the good in them .

Sometimes we provoke change and sometimes change is forced upon us. Either way, we can decide what to make out of it. I can make it a smooth and positive transition or become imprisoned by fear and doubt. IT IS UP TO ME.!!!

It is merely a "letting go" process.  I don't know what my new duties will be yet nor where i will be working or how it will go...but do i really need to know how everything will come to pass all the time? Do i need to worry about it ahead of time? NOOOOO!  I trust that God allowed me to make it this far and has not left my side, then everything will be just fine and how HE would have it.!

Change...Letting go...Trust...Hope...Allow...are all synonyms for me from now on! I refuse to question the Divine plan.

Thank you Lord for carrying me through my path...

Although i don't always understand your purpose, YOU have a clear perspective in sight!

I am looking forward to a new beginning, to seeing new faces and new opportunities...

I start my new job on NOV 2nd. ;)

I am truly blessed...

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
Wayne Dyer

Let it pass...

Today i woke up with an unexplainable sense of "blah." There is no other way to describe it. How can i just wake up and feel this way.  I was just sleeping!!!!

Well, after further consideration, i have come to realize an important lesson and reminder: NEVER GO TO SLEEP UPSET OR WITH ANY THOUGHTS OF DISCOMFORT ~

I went to bed feeling a bit uneasy yet i was able to fall asleep because i felt tired mentally. I tend to be an over-analyzer, an over-worrier, and i rationalize things a bit too much. Over the years, i have gotten a lot better but at times these attitudes sneak up on me even on my best of moods. Why is that?

I have decided to in turn analyze my moods and hopefully and surely get to the root and the cause of my "blahness." When i decided to begin this new blog, i was really excited to record my journey but there are days in which i don't even want to sit and write because my mood is OFF. So, i came to the conclusion that so what if my mood is OFF????  So be it... !

So today i give way for my blah mood to pass and see it as a reminder that i should beware of the thoughts that go through my head before going to sleep.  If there is anything bothering me, i must come in terms with it or resolve it if there is a possibility to do so!

It is enough to realize that in life there will be off days, good days, not-so good days and the really exciting ones that leave so suddenly.  In spite of all of this, i can write! I can record my journey and see where it takes me.

"Experience life in all possible ways, good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter. Don't be afraid of experience..." Osho

Time to press the RESET button!

I can only compare this feeling to when anyone gasps for air. Recently, i have had many things on my mind. I am currently finishing my degree in Psychology and this semester has been filled with sooo many writing assignments that have somewhat overwhelmed me. The thing is that these assignments are long and they deal with ethnicity, culture, cultural identity, immigration and anything that revolves around these topics. YES, i sound like i am whining. ;) I have been asked to access my inner database in search of my own experience and feelings regarding these topics. Well, i have officially reached a state of system overload. This is how i felt today...

What i am trying to say is that, at times (many times) we may reach a point when it might be best for us to press the reset button.  During lunch time, i sat in my car, played my favorite instrumental music and closed my eyes for about 15-20 minutes. I practiced a technique my friend Nadia mentioned to me once: when you feel overwhelmed with anxiety, inhale profoundly and exhale slowly - do this about as many times as necessary. BINGO!!! I never thought something so simple could turn out to be so soothing to my soul. I was able to release and concentrate on the action of just breathing. When i opened my eyes, i felt so calm and with a certain amount of peace.

I have realized that although my school assignments are due and still need to be completed, i can STOP and press RESET from time to time. This small practice that took such little time, made a major difference in my thoughts and in turn, aliviated my anxiety.

So...here is to the blessing of being able to STOP and BREATHE. It is totally free and definetely soothing.

;)

Emotions...

...so many, so frequent, so LOUD!!!

Yes, it is said:

 "Your emotions are friends who bring news that you need to know." G.Z.

Sometimes it does not matter how much news they are carrying, they just feel overwhelming. What to do with them? Somebody should just develop a manual that teaches us how to react to each and one of the emotions that sneak up on us.

This week i have been overly emotional for EVERY reason! Could be the "timing" but i feel so vulnerable. I try to keep to myself when i am having an OFF day, but today i made the mistake (impulsively) of expressing somewhat of what i felt at the moment and this was the response: "if you have issues, they are yours and You have to deal with them...NOT me!" WOW!!! that felt like a bucket of cold water on a cold winter day.  YES, tears came down my eyes and i realized that even though words sometimes hurt the person receiving them, it doesn't take away the fact that some words hold "truths" we sometimes fail to see and accept.

The thing with emotions is that when they come, they may without a doubt, push us into a "reaction"  and that reaction can in turn have consequences. However, we can decide to give "motion" to our emotions... it is up to us to choose which way to react to them or to even react at all. Yes, at times these emotions seem uncontrollable but they CAN be controlled if we just step back for a minute, take a breather, and give ourselves a BIG BEAR HUG!!!

It might sound easy and it does feel easy as i write it but to have this control over our emotions takes practice. I thought i was doing pretty good at it until today.  I lost perspective and failed to focus of the big picture. My emotions triggered an action on my part and that was the response i got. Sometimes we get more "creative" and "compassionate" responses to our actions...but this time, i got the pure truth. It hurt so much but after i was done being hurt, i accepted the fact that "I have to deal with my issues and not dump them on anyone else and stop blaming someone else for them."

This realization is priceless and i don't regret being in tune with my emotions either. The more i accept myself and embrace my emotions, the more i can deal with them and just let them be!

♥

ps...words do hold power and they do hurt as hell! If placed on the other side of this scenario, I would still go for the truth uttered more creatively and with compassion. ;)

About 2 month ago...

...my partner had gotten his own place and I had been coming back and forth from his place to mine. He is absolutely NOT fond of clutter. He comes from a home where they would keep everything even if it was just to have it for a "just in case" ocassion. So, we painted, decorated, picked earthly and peaceful colors. He wants the apartment to have SPACE. I have never thought of this notion of SPACE. My place is more like a studio only with a separate bathroom. Although it is small, i have managed to cramp everything in there so that it feels like home to me. Go figure!!! I have 1 closet for my regular clothes and another one for miscellaneous stuff. Till this day, all of this "filled" space did make sense to me.

One day i come into my room and i felt like the walls were closing in on me. I never realized how much "open space" could change the way i feel and how it makes a difference in my thoughts. Until then, i had lived in my place and never thought of how much clutter i had and of how many things i kept...things i haven't had a need for in a long time - not to mention the ones i had forgotten were even there.

Needless to say, i became anxious and started taking out "never worn" clothes and shoes out of my closet. I knew that i needed to this. That day i took out about two boxes of mixed "unused" stuff.

A few days later, i was browsing through the web blogs and i saw the badge for THE SHED PROJECT by Bindu Wiles. The words that struck me were: "an adventure in LETTING GO!" - I have been struggling with this a while now. Letting go for me has been the strongest battle i have had to fight until now. Especially letting go of my limiting thoughts and ideas...letting go of my fear for the unknown, letting go of the fear of things not turning out the way i want them to turn out.  It took me a while to actually see that all these ideas only exist in my head.  I am the one that has been giving them...and can only give power to them.

So now i have more of a clear view of what i have to do for the next 2 months or even more if needed.

I have made a plan of action ;)

Things, people, emotions, thoughts i want to get rid of:

* Come in terms with my negative thoughts, see them for what they are and let them go...

* Let go of memories that no longer are of any positive use to me...LET GO of them...

* Face my fears and understand them, but LET GO! of them...

* 1 Closet: get rid of clothes, shoes, purses, belts that now longer are of any use to me.

* 2nd Closet: find out what is actually in it and empty it to make space/room for don't know what yet. ;)

* Empty drawers and throw out the junk that is in them...

* Get rid of old correspondence, receipts and old photographs...

* My books: wow...this is a hard one!!! ;(

* BOOKS: maybe give some away (some people come to mind)

* BOOKS: maybe get a Kindle and look for the ones that are really meaningful to me and that are worth reading over.
* People: I have been shedding people ;) this year. The hardest part is that i have let go (or maybe they left on their own) of my dearest two friends (bff dearest). Ever since i have concentrated on my own spiritual growth, we stopped clicking. In their eyes i changed and in their eyes i became a bad friend. I still feel a bit bad even after explaining myself for doing what makes me happy ;-/ - so, i have to LET GO of this feeling and continue to follow my dreams and passion. 

ufffffffff i feel lighter just by the thought of getting all this done.!!

Thank you Bindu Wiles for a great project and I commend myself for a rewarding journey i have decided to take.

I look forward to writing about my journey...

;)

Back to blogging...

...without further ado, i am back to blogging!
I have conciously left my old blog behind to start this one...a brand new beginning holding on to a new perspective. I started a personal blog back years ago and i feel it is time to leave it behind. It is the perfect time for a new beginning with new opportunities, but i am not sure what they will be yet. I can't surely describe the sensation i have but so far it sure feels like a promising new start.

I start a blank slate...spiritually, mentally, physically and intellectually.

I am traveling inward...